Why and HOW I allowed my kids to finally, SAFELY have Social Media

Social Media has been a hot topic in our house for many years. Almost all of my kid's friends have accounts and most of all of their classmates. Snapchat, Instagram, and Tik Tok being 3 of the most popular. So in writing this, I know I am going against the grain here and am not doing this to admonish everyone but rather explain my view of our current situation. I, for years, have railed against them having any social media as I don't think it is healthy for kids to be so caught up in their "likes", follower count, and the "all about me" mentality, so we have always said no. I don't think that a big source of their self esteem should be based on people clicking "like" and saying how pretty or not everyone thinks they are. I know parents' views vary GREATLY on this so I am not saying I am right but just my opinion and what has worked for my family.

For my almost 16 year old son, I also don't think he needs a constant barrage of his friends and girls he doesn't even know wearing next to nothing and posing seductively. I know I am not the norm and am totally fine with that. Is it popular? Nope, but I have said for years, "I REFUSE TO SACRIFICE MY CHILDREN ON THE ALTAR OF POPULARITY." I would rather them be good, moral, and well behaved than popular. We want them to use any popularity they may have for good, be positive leaders, not followers. While my kids aren't perfect, I am often told what good kids they are. I feel social media and the lack of it, is a big part of that.

My daughters, who will be 13 this summer absolutely love creating content. They watch Kids YouTube and have created different YouTube channels over the years to have fun and make content. I have always disabled the comments so trolls can't say stupid stuff. While as adults we know that haters will hate, kids have a hard time discerning who the haters actually are. They can be people who have nothing better to do with their time than try to bring others down, they can be people who are jealous of them, they can be people who are just mean, haters come in many forms, none of which are something kids should have to deal with. One of their channels, B.M.B. Life, they did with one of their classmates and best friends.They literally did this channel on their own without any parent involvement other than our knowledge that they were doing it. Since they aren't allowed on YouTube by themselves they were able to post them when done on my computer with help. I'll be honest, I was pretty impressed with how cute, age appropriate, and fun their content was. One video has almost 700 views!

They enjoy Brooklyn and Bailey (identical wholesome twins) who post cute, fun content without bad language or sexually charged content. Being identical twins themselves my girls relate to a lot of their posts. During the Corona Quarantine we have had more time to watch YouTube and we got to talking and they really wanted to start another channel that they can update as often as they want.  They still love doing it with their friend and plan to, but quarantine is kind of messing that up now! The thought is, if so many people can use social media in a bad way, can we try to flip it and use it for good?! Create content that helps instead of hurts? Be a light in a dark time?

I am a researcher at heart, so I set out and started looking into the hows and whats of helping them create something that could be lasting and impactful. In doing that, I realized that having multiple platforms was super important. As an author, I knew this in a way, but guess I didn't realize just how much, especially in this market, cross optimization over the various platforms would help. Instagram polls that relate to their YouTube channel content where followers can interact in real time is one example. I now had a conundrum...my kids aren't allowed Instagram, Tik Tok etc.... but I am a problem solver so I figured out a way to make it work.

I decided to allow my daughters to have both Instagram and Tik Tok, but the account is only accessed on my phone. Is this a monumental pain in the rear, YUP, but is it worth it to still be able to protect them? YUP! This way, they can utilize the functionality of what those platforms have to offer while still not having to view the vulgarity that Tik Tok affords. TBH as the kids say (To Be Honest for us older folks) I spent some time on Tik Tok the other night during research mode and OH MY WORD, it is nasty. Some of it hilarious, but a lot of it was nasty. I did however come across some people who are using it for good, including a hashtag #jesusgang. My girls are allowed to make videos after we find appropriate content for them to do. I often have to go look up song lyrics because while the little clip may be clean, the actual song is beyond vulgar. If it is just instrumental that is a little easier but not many of those. I also will be reviewing comments people make and deciding what to share and not share with them. They are in NO WAY allowed to just sit and scroll through videos on there. We have found 2 people so far for them to try to find some content from, Brooklyn and Bailey (Identical twins and most are very clean) and @macktruex both who seem to be wholesome girls.

As far as Instagram goes, I spent quite a bit of time on there too. I have had an account for myself for a while but hadn't really paid much attention to what the "tween" market was up to. Again, it was disheartening to see what some of the more popular girls their age are doing to get followers. 11 and 12 year olds posing seductively with boys trying to recreate celebrity photos of people who are in their 20's! An 11 year old who is very well known remaking a cover of Taylor Swift's song LOVER...at ELEVEN YEARS OLD! I ask myself what is wrong with these kid's parents that they want so badly for their kids to "make it" that they are sacrificing their youth, their innocence. But I digress.... I allowed my girls to have an account on my phone that I will manage. They can utilize it under my supervision. I can assure you they won't be doing a cover of LOVER at 12 years old!

With all of these platforms I have told my girls that they should look at it as customers, not followers. If they create content that doesn't get a lot of likes or comments, they need to not think people didn't like them, but maybe that content isn't what their customers want. They can still create it for fun, but to grow their business they have to also be sure they try to meet the needs of their customers in an appropriate way. They are really wanting to create a business with this and therefore I want them to treat it as one.

My son, still does not have a Snap, Insta, or Tik Tok account. I offered him the same thing, on my phone for Instagram, but he would rather just not have it that way. That is fine with me.

I guess we will see how it goes over the next few months and see if I made the right decision or not. Once quarantine is over and I have less time, it will get more interesting. I know two things for sure. They are loving getting to create content and I am loving getting to spend quality time with them helping them. If you want to see what they have been up to, please go to YouTube and subscribe to their channel: britain and brielle and yes if you know me the lowercase is KILLING me, but that is how they wanted it, and it is after all, their channel =)! Link below!

Also feel free to follow them on Instagram at both britainandbrielle and TeamTay2026 on Tik Tok at @britandbrie and their other 2 YouTube channels TeamTay2026 (to follow their beach volleyball) and B.M.B. Life.

 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBBs6MhT8Nt-wsm3H5T8jbQ?view_as=subscriber

They sure would LOVE your support! Thanks so much!

Update: During quarantine my son wanted to also start a YouTube channel and also for volleyball recruiting they recommend social media for contacting coaches, so he now has some accounts but again on my phone for now. This may change at some point as he is almost 16, but I want to help him learn how to use it appropriately before just handing it over to him.

STOP Saying Strong is the new skinny!

Saying strong is the new skinny makes about as much sense as saying blue is the new pink. It is NOT and NEVER will be. And by the way, it may be insulting to those who hear it. 

 

I get where these people may be coming from. Maybe they used to have an eating disorder where they could never be thin enough and now finally they are ok being a little bigger (read stronger). Maybe they don't think being really thin is as attractive as being a little more muscular. I think however they may be trading one obsession for another. 

Body image is a touchy topic typically more in the female realm. For a long time thin was in, celebrities who gained a few pounds were splashed on covers and called fat. Losing the baby weight practically overnight was hailed as a success (with these mothers completely missing the fact that they may be hurting their babies if they were nursing or worse yet not caring because vanity was more important). Anorexia, bulimia, and a host of other disorders sprouted up....thin was considered the desired look to many.

 

Now we see Strong is the New Skinny....Real Women Have Curves..Skinny is not Sexy, Health is..... and I can't help but think....what about the actual naturally skinny women? I saw an article recently on this and at first I kind of thought oh poor naturally skinny girls with their skinny girl problems but then I thought about it a little more and thought we NEED to STOP...we need to stop categorizing women based on the numbers on the scale. Back in the renaissance days hefty was sexy, skinny probably meant the poor thing was literally poor. But guess what? God made us all different, some are bigger, some are smaller, but that shouldn't define us. Some women are actually naturally thin and they may eat like champs and just not put on weight...so are they to think they are not sexy, not good enough, that there is something wrong with them?! Should they have to listen to you tell them to eat a hamburger or that a strong wind would blow them away?? No, but that may be what they are hearing. 

I think this new Crossfit, Hard Exercise Works, hardcore workout stuff is getting out of hand. If you are spending more time in the gym than you are quality time with your family, I would say your priorities are screwed up. If you are constantly criticizing and critiquing your body in front of your kids I would say knock it off. They love you for you, complaining that your butt is too big is kind of telling them there is something wrong with what they love....oh and possibly setting them up for body image issues/eating disorders down the road. I am not saying to sit around and eat hohos every day, but I am saying this shouldn't be your number one priority in life. Working out is good for you but there is a line between being healthy and obsessing over it ...from what I see lately I think a lot of people are crossing that line.

 

I grew up in a house that loved skinny, they liked that 5'10", 120 pound heroine chic look....when the rest of the world was loving JLo's body, I think they were probably thinking a good diet should be on her menu. I grew up acting and modeling...modeled and acted in swimwear, even for companies as big as Adidas, even did swimwear on the runway as an adult and even at my thinnest, I probably thought I could drop another few pounds, which was probably a nutty way to think. I worked out A LOT and watched what I ate very closely but thank God I never succumbed to an eating disorder but know many, many girls do. I modeled until my mid twenties and then had kids.....kids have a way of making you gain a few pounds, or in my case, more than a few. I could probably write a whole other blog on not starving yourself during your pregnancy due to vanity but will stay the course:) After my twins I finally got back down to below my wedding weight but I waited until I was done nursing them to do so. Did the vain part of me hate this, yes, but guess what Moms...it ain't all about you! Do I mess up as a parent, yup, but this was something I felt I got right.  I get so aggravated when I see new Moms on the cover of a magazine talking about losing the baby weight so fast when their baby is still tiny. If you are nursing this is not smart and should not be applauded.

 

Now a few years later I have had some major health issues which include but are not limited to severe back problems with multiple herniations, protrusions, disc degeneration, spinal stenosis and these issues plus some others ended up with me gaining some weight. To say it is hard is an understatement because as much as I want to believe being thin isn't so incredibly important, so much of my past says it is. Maybe I went through this to see what it is like on the other side, maybe I can make a difference in other's lives?  I am learning though that I am SO MUCH MORE THAN A NUMBER ON A SCALE. We as women need to find value and worth in more than our size, more than the number on the scale, more than the number of ab muscles we can count....we need to STOP saying one body image is better then the other. No, STRONG is not the new SKINNY, because skinny doesn't need to be replaced.

 

Now that I have started losing weight again people feel the need to comment which isn't that big of a deal, but when it is in front of my kids I am not as thrilled. I don't go on to my kids about losing or gaining weight. They have no idea that I boxed up my size 0-6 clothes and put them in the garage. This doesn't and shouldn't concern them. They don't need to see a mom whose happiness depends on her size. I am starting to see this in a new light, I used to sort of like the Real Women Have Curves type of ads because I used to think that we were praising being thin too much, but just lately have I realized that by praising one we are insulting another.

 

To all you naturally thin women out there: you are exactly how God made you, stop letting the workout fanatics and women with curves make you feel less than beautiful. 

To all you naturally curvy women out there: I say basically the same thing, stop letting the workout fanatics and thin women make you feel less than beautiful. 

 

Can we just embrace all the shapes and sizes and love ourselves for the way God created us?

Love to hear your thoughts below!

Porn for 12 year olds????

So I am in the car this morning and I am listening to the radio. They are talking to a woman who had asked her husband to have the "sex talk" with their 12 year old son. Apparently the father handled this "talk" by giving his 12 year old a copy of Penthouse! The mother of course thought her husband was a complete moron for doing this and she wanted to know others opinions of the situation. They asked for people to call in. I couldn't help myself on this one, so I picked up the phone. Oddly enough it actually rang and someone answered.

Then it went something like this.....I told them I was calling in about the brain dead husband who gave the kids porn. They asked me to wait a bit and so I did. Then it sounded like all 3 hosts were on and they asked me what I was calling about. I said I am calling about the brain dead husband who gave his 12 year old porn! I told them it was asinine and that I had a 6 year old son and couldn't fathom ever doing that. I said even when he is 20, you just don't give your kids PORN! It is just stupid, stupid, stupid in my opinion, then I heard clapping! They said this is kind of what they call a HSO "Hot Sports Object" something that people feel very strongly about. I said oh yes, I even get highly annoyed by the soft porn Victoria Secret commercials that I don't want my 6 year old seeing while he is watching football with his dad!

What are your thoughts on this? I only heard them air two responses, mine and another guy who was more on the fence as I guess his stupid father had done something similar but with a show instead of a magazine!

I must have written this one a while ago and never published it....so publishing it now =) Side Note: my son is now 10 and I am no closer to even considering giving him porn!

Originally Published on 10/13/14 but just saw this and wanted to update today on 4/23/20 and say my son is now almost 16 and still think wouldn't even consider it!

Black-ish: more like Trash-ish...The New Cosby...uh no, not even close!

TV is becoming trash.....I enjoy TV, movies, even the occasional podcast. I sometimes like to unwind at the end of the day and let my brain go on a semi-vacation. I don't always have the time to, but when I do....I enjoy this mostly mindless entertainment.

                               picture from http://ineedcoffee.com/inanimate-objects-comics-12/

We've probably all heard the old adage laughter is good for the soul (or the best medicine...or maybe both, who can really remember these things!). I am always looking for great new comedies, there is a lot of depressing stuff on TV and in life so I enjoy the time when I can sort of push that away and have a good laugh. So I was blissfully optimistic about the new ABC show Blackish, from the previews it looked cute and funny. I believe it was even compared to The Cosby Show which will always be a classic in my book, for this comparison alone I probably would have watched.

So I tuned in with bated breath and high anticipation. The first part of the show was decent, it showed a family who is going through life together, they had their successes and they had their problems, but they seemed like a fairly normal family. There were some funny moments and the acting was solid. Towards the end of the pilot episode however it was discovered the son's basic goal in life is to hold a boob?! Really! The Dad tells his son it is important for him to hold onto his culture. The son responds by saying, "honestly the only thing I am trying to hold onto right now is my first boob." What does the grandfather chime in?? "You can't be mad at him for that."

 

Pops and Dad think this is great, but I sat there stupefied.

 

I was annoyed, irritated, appalled....is this really what we are glorifying these days? Holding boobs at 14 is the highest achievement one can attain? Is this really what we want for our sons? Annoyed, I thought..... I NEED to blog about this. Screaming it from the rooftops is so antiquated, right!?

 

The last week has been busy with my new book, Devotions for Beginning Readers releasing this month from Thomas Nelson. I have been busy working on speaking engagements, book signings etc.. so I hadn't gotten around to writing the blog.  Last night I decided to watch the second installment of the show to see if it would be any better...or worse! If I was going to take the time to blog about it, a little more research wouldn't hurt.

 

                                 Promotion warning =) my book that has been keeping me busy

 

 

                                               

You can imagine my shock and horror when minutes into this second installment the Dad walks in on his son masturbating. YUP...that happened. Are writers on this show really this pathetic that they have to go there to try and elicit some laughs? I am not foolish enough to think this isn't something kids go through, but to put it on a show for laughs, wow! The Cosby show was funny, but it was also clean. Their writers knew how to balance real life and humor without delving into things that are clearly inappropriate.

A 14 year old talking about Helen Mirren really "getting him there"...(no I am not making that up) funny, no.... uncomfortable, gag inducing, yes maybe. This is in no way intended to be an insult to Helen Mirren, but let's be honest when a 14 year old fantasizes about an almost 70 year old woman...well do I really need to explain this?

 

By the way, ABC has now ordered a full season of Black-ish...so the moral decay will continue.

 

Why are writers these days getting so lazy? Why do they feel the need to throw some F bombs or in this case sexual jokes into content to try to make it more entertaining? There has got to be a better way!

 

Why do you think they do this? Comments welcomed below!

Aber-cruddy...why Abercrombie disgusts me

I named this blog to vent or not to vent and it seems fitting because as time passes it seems I use it mostly for this purpose. Today it is time to vent, rant, and scream from the screen....why you ask? One word....ABERCROMBIE or if you want to lengthen it to 3 words ABERCROMBIE and FITCH!

I used to shop there, and they had some cute stuff. I did however notice that their advertising was becoming more and more sleazy and for that reason I chose to stop. Same reason why I refuse to shop at Victoria's Secret with their soft-porny commercials (whole other blog:). I see no reason why Aber-cruddy's clothing advertising needs to be done WITHOUT the clothes. So I have not been a fan for a long time....but today I saw two things posted on Facebook from two different people and it infuriated me. First was basically that Aber-cruddy will not make clothes for larger women. The reason is because they don't want their brand associated with "fat" people! Huh, WHAT!?!? And before anyone in cyberspace decides it must be sour grapes because I am fat, let me say this....I modeled....even did a runway show in swimwear, not sleazy swimwear...and still I choose not to shop there! That decision was made YEARS ago, not now!

Don't believe me...here is the article about the "fat" people

Secondly, they also thought along with fat people they should also be obnoxious to handicapped people! They took a girl who had a prosthetic arm and banished her to the stockroom because she was breaking the "look policy." Does anyone else have an issue with that?!?!?

Here is this lovely write-up

Apparently "fat" and "handicapped" people are not good enough for their clothing...oh and fat by their standards is anyone over a size 10! If I recall the average size of an American woman is a 14...so they are calling a lot of people fat!

If the ads alone aren't enough for you to stop shopping there I certainly hope these new reasons will be the icing on the cake! AND if you have a teenager who just HAS to have their clothing, here is an idea....use this as a lesson to teach your child that what they are doing is degrading to people and you want no part in that.

I have read some things regarding the CEO and how he must be trying to like get back for how he might have been treated in school...well ya know what, I don't care if the guy looked like Brad Pitt there is NO excuse for this behavior. He wants to make clothes for the "cool kids" well you know what Mike Jeffries what you are doing is more like "bullying" if we want to revert to high school behavior and names...is your mother proud of that?!?!

I think so many girls struggle with self-esteem and eating disorders--companies like Aber-cruddy certainly aren't helping! We should be teaching our children that being beautiful on the inside far surpasses the kind of garbage Aber-cruddy is pedaling!!


Comments welcome:)!

Snow White and the Huntsman: Spiritual Implications?

When I see films like "Snow White and the Huntsman" I can't help but wonder if Hollywood intentionally put the spirituality in there or if it was just dumb luck?! With Hollywood it is hard to ascertain sometimes.

If it was intentional, were they doing it just to be "evangelical friendly" to get the Blind Side audience or were the filmmakers really trying to make a point? I hope it was the latter.

Considering John Lee Hancock (writer/ director of the aforementioned film, The Blind Side) was one of the writers of "Snow White" I think they may have been trying here...which I have to say makes me pleased.

The analogies are many with Snow White's character being analogous to Christ and the Evil Queen to Satan. The 7 (or 8) dwarves could even be compared to the disciples if you want to take it further. Once they know who she is, they quickly follow her and even die to protect her. A few lines really stuck out to me and I may misquote them a bit, but the main point will come across. When walking through the dark forest which is an evil place that seems to kill most people who enter, the Huntsman tells Snow White that it gets stronger as she gets weaker. Sort of like Satan, the more he can beat us down and we allow him to, the stronger of a hold he has on us. When we are weak we are opening the door and it is so easy for him to attack. We have to stay strong in the Lord and in the power of His might (Eph 6:10)! Snow White may have put on shiny armor, but we have the armor of God, we just have to use it!

Another part that really stood out was when Snow White is in the serene place and she comes across the white stag....they ask the Huntsman how did he not know who she was, he had been walking with her for all this time. "You have eyes huntsman but you do not see. You, who have been with her the longest. She is life itself, she will heal the land. She is the one. Can't you feel it? Are your ailments not gone? Gold or no gold, where she leads, I follow." We realize so many people pass through this life and have had Christ right there walking beside them, but they are too daft, stubborn, or just plain resistant to acknowledge Him and what he wants to do for them. Like Snow White, Jesus wants to save us and set us free. He wants to make our burdens light. It doesn't mean life will always be easy, but it does mean we will never have to walk the road alone.

Snow White's blood is the fairest of all and only she can save the kingdom from the Queen's Satanic rule...does this sound familiar? They follow her in life and in death. She seems to come back from the dead and then instigates the masses to destroy evil. She says to the Queen at the end before she defeats her, "I am everything you are not." That is Christ, He is everything Satan is not. Christ is all good, all loving, all powerful. Everything Satan does and is comes from a place of evil, he wants to destroy us, cripple us and dishearten us. If we allow him an inch into our lives he will take it and run.  Christ may allow hard times, but like the refiner's fire he may be working on us to burn away the dirt and grime to leave us polished and beautiful! The Bible tells us clearly that we may be persecuted, BUT not abandoned; struck down, BUT not destroyed (2. Cor 4:9). Know that, believe that, take that promise and run with it!

There is also a whole other topic about beauty and striving for that at any cost. The Queen will do anything to stay young and beautiful. Our society today unfortunately tells girls and women that beauty is so important. The airbrushed magazine covers, the plastic surgery, the ever present search for anything to stay youthful...when will we be content knowing that we are beautiful in God's eyes?

From a critical standpoint, Charlize Theron is stunning and portrays the Queen hauntingly well. Brilliant casting choice! Chris Hemsworth does a fine job as the Huntsman and doesn't let down his Thor audience while newcomer Sam Claflin hits the mark as Prince William. Taking a page out of her Twilight playlist, Kristen Stewart does a lot of running and looking scared. She plays the part adequately but in my opinion there may have been a better choice, wondering if she was a "packaging" deal?

Although this film is dark, I really think there were a lot of moral lessons that could be learned and if this wasn't Hollywood's mission.... well then what Satan might have meant for harm God turned into good =) If it was their intent, then happy that they are trying!

We Bought A Zoo (but we marketed it poorly)

Over the break I went to see the film We Bought A Zoo, partly because I usually like anything with Matt Damon and partly because people seemed to have good things to say about it. Although the film was only rated PG there was quite a bit of swearing in it. Considering Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire) directed it that shouldn't surprise me, however the PG rating I feel was a bit misguided. While in line to get my tickets there were lots of people lining up with young children (a lot probably under 8). If you watched the previews and didn't go on a site like http://www.dove.org/ or http://www.pluggedinonline.com/ how would you know what you were in for? Thankfully I had looked at those sites and decided against bringing my 7 and 4 year olds, very glad I made that choice. Even during the film I heard a voice say "this is rated PG?" Then after the film was over, I saw the boy who I believe belonged to the voice I heard earlier and he said (to I assume his Mom this time) "that was PG? There was a lot of harsh language, the MPAA must be changing their rules" pretty precocious, he was probably between 10-12. I almost wanted to congratulate him for noticing...why does an 11 year old boy understand this better than people running the MPAA?
The other thing I found odd/ironic was the title "We Bougt A Zoo" which they say several times during the film to make sure we get it =) when in fact the name of the place is Rosemoor Wildlife Park...I get that the title "We Bought A Wildlife Park" doesn't exactly roll off the tongue quite the same. So the film industry gets the marketing from a title standpoint, but they seem to be falling short marketing a film like this as a "family film."
As a film for adults it was decent and pretty well acted. I just don't see how a film that is really about a family getting over the loss of their mother/wife should ever be marketed toward children (or families), even without the use of words like sh*t, bullsh*it, hell, Jesus, a**hole, not to mention a little girl using the word di*k. PG-13 would have been a better choice.
Lastly I found it funny that in the ads there is a picture of a Zebra wrapped in a bow...we barely see the zebras in the film, the tigers are the stars....was it too hard to get the bow on the tiger....or did they not want it to look like Mandalay was putting this one out?